The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever
by Michael Bungay Stanier
The Coaching Habit teaches you how to make coaching a regular, informal part of your day, so managers and their teams can work less hard and have more impact.
7 Essential Coaching Questions
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“What’s on your mind?”
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“And what else?”
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“What’s the real challenge here for you?”
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“What do you (really) want (from me)?”
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“How can I help?”
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“If you’re saying yes to this, what are you saying no to?”
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“What was most useful for you?”
Additions to the questions
- “Out of curiosity…” — softener that can be added in front (also: “Just so I know…”, “To help me understand better…”, or even “To make sure that I’m clear…”)
- “And what else could you do?” — encourages deeper thinking
- “…for you?” — add at the end. Moves focus from performance to development-oriented
- “What have you learned since we last met?” — encourage learning
Tactics
- Ask “What” instead of “Why”
- Instead of “Why did you do that?” ask “What were you hoping for here?”
- “What made you choose this course of action?” instead of “Why did you think this was a good idea?”
- Instead of “Why are you bothering with this?” ask “What’s important for you here?”
- First is not best
- The first answer someone gives you is almost never the only answer, and it’s rarely the best answer (which is where “And what else?” comes in handy)
- No advice with a question mark attached
- Stop asking “Have you thought of…?”, “What about…?” “Did you consider…?”
- Find out the real problem
- What people are laying out for you is rarely the actual problem
- When you start jumping in to fix things, things go off the rails in three ways:
- You work on the wrong problem
- You do the work your team should be doing
- The work doesn’t get done
- Stick to “what” instead of “why”
- If you’re not trying to fix things, you don’t need the backstory.
- Recognize the need to address the want
- Articulate what the real need is behind the request
- Saying yes slowly and stay curious before committing
- “Why are you asking me?”
- “Whom else have you asked?”
- “When you say this is urgent, what do you mean?”
- “According to what standard does this need to be completed? By when?”
- “If I couldn’t do all of this, but could do just a part, what part would you have me do?”
- “What do you want me to take off my plate so I can do this?”
- It works on email, too, and it could sound like
- “Wow, there’s a lot going on here. What’s the real challenge here for you, do you think?”
- “I’ve scanned your email. In a sentence or two, what do you want?”
- “Before I jump into a longer reply, let me ask you: What’s the real challenge here for you?”
- The 3Ps are vital because a challenge might typically be centered on a
- Project
- Person
- Pattern of behavior, which usually goes unaddressed