Pro Tips From Experienced Dads
Let's begin with a few pieces of advice from my dad, Tom Malloy:
- "This too shall pass."
- "It's a temporary inconvenience."
- "The baby isn't crying at you, it's nothing personal."
- "She's not yelling at you, she's yelling at the (imaginary) guy behind you." (learned in the army)
- "You're right about that." (ends almost every argument)
The Crowdsourced Dad Advice Doc
When my wife was six months pregnant, I emailed 50 of my closest friends who are dads to ask for their advice on five pressing topics. I edited and anonymized their answers into this free Dad Advice doc.
The five questions:
- Anything I should (or shouldn't) do in the three months before the baby is born?
- What will the next 6 to 12 months of sleep-deprived life be like, and how can my partner and I thrive while adjusting to 24/7 childcare?
- Stroller and car seat recommendations?
- Recommendations on anything else new parents need, practical items and registry must-haves? (much more below)
- Advice you wish you'd gotten before becoming a dad?
Resources That Were Vital Before Our Son Was Born
Breastfeeding Notes: 15 pages of my notes from a two-hour online breastfeeding class, the most notes I'd taken since Georgetown, because I knew nothing about the subject beforehand. If your partner takes a breastfeeding class, attend, participate, and take notes on how to best support her.
Daily Dad Newsletter: a free morning dose of inspiration to be the best dad you can be.
Daily Dad Parenting Challenge: a 30-day email series I enrolled in while we were expecting, with a thorough daily email on topics you may not have thought to discuss yet (baby CPR, plans for posting baby photos, family-visit strategy, and more). It was probably the best thing I did to prepare for fatherhood, and well worth the price.
Music: Make a Spotify playlist for the hospital (bring a Bluetooth speaker), then a playlist of nursery rhymes for home. Like Pavlov's dog, I trained Max to relax during diaper changes by playing John Lennon's "Beautiful Boy," his favorite. Here's Max's Playlist for inspiration. Around his first birthday, I realized I could sing songs I knew with one headphone in until he fell asleep, so I made the Dad Sings Max to Sleep playlist. Ultimately, your baby just needs to hear your voice, and it will soothe them.
Lullabies: Several parents told me this was the best advice I've shared. Decide the order for "Old McDonald" and "Wheels on the Bus" in advance, so you don't have to use any brain cells at 3 am. My order is cow-duck-dog-cat-pig-horse (repeat as needed) and wheels-wipers-doors-windows-babies-kids-moms-dads-grandpas-grandmas-horn-driver.
Most Useful Product Recommendations From Our First 8 Weeks
- Baby Jogger City Mini GT2 All-Terrain Stroller (Jet): I put 50+ hours into researching strollers, talking to people, and test-driving before settling on this. We love it and think it's more value than the $1,000+ alternatives.
- Maxi Cosi Coral XP Infant Car Seat: we spent dozens of hours on car seats and chose this on a friend's recommendation. Once the baby can hold its head up around eight weeks, the seat converts to carry like a duffel bag, with handles and a shoulder strap that rests on your hip. You need an inexpensive adapter to connect it to the stroller (adapters exist to connect almost any brand to any brand).
- My Brest Friend Super Deluxe Nursing Pillow: the number-one item, used several times a day. Especially useful after a C-section because it straps above the scar.
- Miracle Blanket Swaddle: our number-one swaddle. You'll need three or more, since the baby needs one every time you want them to sleep.
- HALO Sleepsack Swaddle: our number-two swaddle, and we have a few patterns.
- Aquaphor Baby Healing Ointment: load up on this, we use it at every diaper change.
- Hatch Rest Sound Machine and Night Light: on wind sound with a red light (no blue light) whenever we put Max down. Babies are used to constant noise from the womb, so a sound machine beats silence.
- Forehead Thermometer: you'll worry the baby is sick several times, so an easy forehead scanner for the whole family eases the stress.
- Ubbi Steel Diaper Pail: a smell-free pail that uses regular kitchen trash bags. We got one as a gift and bought a second for upstairs.
- DockATot Deluxe+ Dock: a safe place to set the baby down when you need both hands, with bumpers so they can't roll.
- Milk Snob 5-in-1 Cover: we use it every time we go out, to shield the baby from germs, sun, and strangers.
- Our Baby Registry: the full list of what we registered (click the purchased tab).
Sleep Training Course (10/10)
Taking Cara Babies: you don't need it before the birth, but buy it and watch it before the baby is four weeks old. I've never seen a product recommended by so many people across so many different friend groups.
New-Parenting Book Recommendations
- The Sh*t No One Tells You by Dawn Dais: real talk on what to expect; skip around to any chapter. Top lesson: take everything not tied down home from the hospital (diapers, wipes, blankets, care products).
- Cribsheet by Emily Oster: the best data-driven analysis of common parenting questions.
- Be Prepared: A Practical Handbook for New Dads by Gary Greenberg: full of dad advice with pictures, jokes, and tangible things you can do.
- The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida: less about parenting, more about maturing into a loving, grounded partner. I've read it several times on Kindle to support becoming a more caring, empathetic partner.
Mobile Apps and Bonus Resources
- Riley App: 24/7 expert-backed support that tracks sleep, feeds, and milestones and gives real-time guidance tailored to your baby. Use code MALLOY25 for 25% off any subscription.
- Wonder Weeks App: explains the mental "leaps" that make babies extra fussy, and why each one is a sign they're acquiring new skills. Understanding leaps was a big help for us.
- Solid Starts App: our go-to for everything food-related, including how to serve foods at each stage so the baby doesn't choke.
Pro tip: Buy a laminated or magnetic baby CPR guide and keep it in a kitchen cupboard. We never needed it, but it's reassuring to have written instructions when your brain freezes in an emergency.
A couple of videos that hit the feelings: "The New Old Ones" by my Georgetown Ultimate teammate Nadal, a music video about what men go through during pregnancy and a newborn's arrival, and a 90-second "blink of an eye" video about how precious it is to know our kids through childhood.
You are loved!